Should I get my girlfriend’s family gifts for Christmas?
So I’ve been with my girlfriend for over 8 years in a very serious relationship. She has a really big family (6 siblings) and last year I felt stupid because I had made sure that I got something for each of them or at least paid half of a joint gift from me and my girlfriend but only one of them got me anything. The reason it bothered me though was because her sister’s husband (they are married but have been together for less time than me and my GF) got something from everyone and I felt very left out or unwanted. The one thing I did get wasn’t even a super expensive or nice gift but it meant a lot to me just that they thought about me as part of the family.
Anyways I plan on getting her parents gifts (since they always include me) and something nice for the sister who got me something last year but should I buy things for the rest of her family? I’m finally out of school so I have money but I don’t want to look like an idiot getting gifts for people that aren’t going to return the thought (for the 2nd year in a row).
Also does it make sense that I should feel slighted by that? I mean the husband I mentioned is an in-law and I’m just a boyfriend but I spend tons of time with this family and feel like they are part of my family now and have been for years.
Thanks for any answer I don’t normally get upset about stuff like this but for some reason this really bothered me and I am not great at knowing what to do in these types of situations.
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10 comments
Your Momma on February 28, 2010 at 11:58 pm
Yeah get them something anyway, something little. But get something nicer for the ones who do include you.
Lindsey on March 1, 2010 at 12:22 am
you cant get one gift for one siblings and not the others. I would just get the parents a gift or talk to the family and just ask if you guys are exchanging gifts this year.
david b on March 1, 2010 at 1:00 am
can’t you ask your girlfriend to ask her siblings if they wish to exchange gifts with you or not. or set a money limit on what can be spent. 8 years together, how come you aren’t married?? i’m sure
if you were they would be more inclined to consider you part of the family. something just doesn’t seem right here. can’t put my finger on it, but what are you leaving out.
they have a lottery where you live…the other out would be to just get them each a lottery ticket for say $5 @ and let them take their chances with winning.
Sarah on March 1, 2010 at 1:36 am
I think the best thing to do is to get them all very small inexpensive gifts and a nice card to go along with them. It is the thought that counts and they will feel good that you thought of them (even though they don’t necessarily deserve it). Or you could get one decent size gift card for the whole family like a card for their favorite family restaurant.
It is pretty disrespectful of the family though and I wonder if you have discussed how you feel with your girlfriend. I would feel the same way you do if my husband’s family didn’t get me anything. Even when we were just dating, they would give me gifts.
educated mom on March 1, 2010 at 2:36 am
Since last year you got them something and they did not reciprocate, they will have something for you this year. I’m sure they felt bad about it. What did your GF say? Have her help with the gifts. I would get gift cards. For kids under 18- $5-subway, mcie D’s or B king. They love that. For the adults, get one for the both of them-$20 Olive Garden or what ever. The whole premise in Christmas is to give whether you get something or not. Have fun!
Platinum lighting in the sky on March 1, 2010 at 2:53 am
Don’t give them anything, just to the inlwas and sister. Get her a Coach bag, XX inlaw CHANEL perfume, XY inlaw get him a Giorgio Armani perfume to make the rest feel like Cr@p. It will give them the feeling of “If I had give him gifts last year I could’ve gotten a Louis Vouitton bag”
angel141divi on March 1, 2010 at 3:32 am
only get the people you feel deserve a nice present and the others a 5$ gift card to tim hortons
:) on March 1, 2010 at 3:37 am
families all have different rules about who is and isn’t part of the family – I can understand why you’re hurt, but try to see it just as a definition problem instead of a true issue
If I were you I would go ahead and get her parents a special gift – and if you see anything that really makes you think that one of her siblings would like it, then get that too, but split the difference fro the rest of them – get all of her siblings the same present – something fairly impersonal like a coffee gift basket. Maybe you can add a little something special to the one sibling who got you a present last year:)
I wouldn’t let their weirdness stop you from giving gifts – you are showing that you care about them, it does feel like a slap in the face when they don’t return the gesture, but presents are about giving
there is a good chance, too, that at least some of them remember that you gave them a gift last year and they felt stupid for not having something for you, so there is a good chance that you are on their lists this year – so ask yourself, would you feel worse to give presents and get nothing in return, or to receive presents, but have nothing to give back?
MakeAmyUp! on March 1, 2010 at 3:56 am
The sisters who did not get u anything seem like rude people, how do they treat u when its not xmas time? Just because someone got married and has a piece of paper does not make your relationship any less valuable. 8 years is a long time being with someone!
It honestly seems like a slap in the face, but be the bigger man. I would get the sister who got you something nice,, SOMETHING REALLY NICE, and the sisters who didn’t something OK. Give them a clear message that you are part of the family, married or not, if they like it or not. Kill them with kindness.
Also i would ask your gf why u think they didn’t get u anything and how it upset you. Odds are she will be on your side.
Totally Rude!
Lone on March 1, 2010 at 4:07 am
well, you say you have been with her for 8 years but apparently last year was the 1st time you bought gifts.
How were these people supposed to know you were going to be bringing gifts for all for the 1st time in 6 years?
I’d let your girl intervene…she can ask her family members ahead of time if they would like to exchange gifts with you or not, because I know what you mean…it is awkward giving or getting gifts if it is not mutual.
The other alternative is to just buy one nice gift for the entire family…a cheese and wine basket, or something along those lines.
This is one of the reasons I HATE Christmas…and I always wind up having to buy gifts for people I can’t really stand, and getting a bunch of crap that i throw away.